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On Monday morning during Consensus 2019, marketing hypeman and shameless self promoter, Justin Sun, gave an “announcement of an announcement” on Twitter that TRON had a major reveal planned for later that day. We were shocked to learn that the TRON offices had been raided by the police and that it’s founder Justin Sun was arrested. We’re not sure why anyone would want to advertise their arrest, but then again, it is Justin Sun.

The latest tweets from @justinsuntron. MARRIED Justin Timberlake gets hands-on with new co-star Alisha Wainwright during a night out. Alisha, 30, was seen touching the knee of singer Justin — wed to actress Jessica Biel, 37.

Justin Sun, 29, pleaded not guilty Monday in New York County Supreme Court to 15 different felony charges including conspiracy for possessing and operating an illegal gambling network for dice games, as well as two misdemeanor counts of possessing and operating an underground cockfighting circuit in the TRON office basement at Draper University, and illegally hiring prostitutes to walk the floors at his niTRON summit. He was also slapped with a restraining order from Vitalik Buterin, who claimed that Justin Sun was stalking him and leaving multiple crank voicemails asking him if he wants to come intern at TRON. In addition, he was strangely leaving ripe avocados at his doorstep.

The TRON office was allegedly an illegal gambling den operated by the Macau gangster founders of DragonCoin, an ICO that supposedly raised $407 million in 2017 and used the money to pump TRON. We later learned that DragonCoin was created by Justin’s mentor Jack Ma, who was operating under the name “Broken Tooth.”

Police also raided Justin Sun’s bedroom at his adopted father CZ’s house, where he stored 90% of the TRX token supply on a Nano Ledger hardware wallet under his twin-sized mattress. The amount of these tokens were more than enough for the police to shut down the TRON Gambling Network for good. They later went on to congratulate themselves by stealing Justin Sun’s autographed Kobe Bryant jersey from the evidence room.

This is the biggest blockchain bust since Bitconnect in 2017. Arrested alongside Justin Sun, was Carlos Matos, the disgraced meme, who lost all of his money in the Bitconnect ponzi scheme, and later went on to shill a much more profitable Herbalife. Mr. Matos apparently still hadn’t learned his lesson about promoting scams and was last seen on stage at the niTRON 2019 conference hyping Mr. Sun’s latest pump and dump scheme and screaming “BitTorreeeeeeeeeent!” He was put into level one white collar prison where our reporters learned that he was subsequently beat with soap in a sock by all the other degenerate investors he had fleeced.

Our reporters discovered from former TRON CTO, Zhiqiang Chen, that TRON, which had masqueraded as a decentralized Blockchain, was actually a highly centralized network that only had 27 validator nodes, known as SR’s. These SR’s were elected by community voting; 1 TRX equivalent to 1 vote. We learned that Justin Sun owned 90% of the token supply, and therefore 90% of the voting power. Because of this, police were able to seize control of all 27 SR’s and pass a proposal to effectively kill TRON, thus doing God’s work.

“I told the famous Justin Sun that his story wouldn’t end well,” said the former CTO, “but he couldn’t hear me over the sound of his own voice. 90% of our transaction volume was fake. TRON can’t do 10,000 transactions per second, not even close, it’s all bullshit. That would destroy us. TRON is no more than a marketing machine layered on shit technology. It’s a shit sandwich. Justin is strong at marketing but he doesn’t have a technical bone in his body and will only listen to you if you tell him he’s handsome. If he gets caught in a lie, he just doubles down. It’s an endless cycle of doubling down. If only his lies were TPS we’d be 1000x faster than Ethereum.”

During the police raid, agents also seized servers that hosted the popular dice game, TronBet, which used the unregistered security token, ANTE, to pay out dividends from the house’s profit every week. Coin Jazeera also received word that a similar rival gambling network known as EOS created by infamous blockchain cartel Block.one, might be raided as early as Tuesday, pending a warrant. EOS Founder Brock Pierce was unavailable for comment as he was busy volunteering at a children’s summer camp with Hollywood X-Men Director Bryan Singer.

We were surprised when we received a call at the Coin Jazeera offices from Mrs. Moon, Justin Sun’s third grade teacher. “Justin wasn’t always a copy-cat. Things changed when he met that awful Elizabeth Holmes girl, who taught him how to scam while he taught her Chinese in exchange. They were inseparable, always scheming and stealing from the other children. Them and Little Billy McFarland, I don’t think they turned in a single report that wasn’t plagiarized. Elizabeth went on to start Theranos, Billy went on to start Fyre festival, and Justin went on to start a DPoS shitcoin gambling platform like all the other delinquent children.”

Justin Sun was unavailable for comment to defend himself against these allegations from prison. However we’re sure he’ll find a way to be on Twitter soon.

This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only.

EDIT — UPDATE 05/13/19
We have recently found out that Mr. Sun has started his third token project from Prison, SOAPCOIN, a way to decentralize all the ass poundings that he was receiving from the inmates.

Justin James Bour (born May 28, 1988) is an American professional baseballfirst baseman for the San Francisco Giants organization. Bour made his MLB debut in 2014. He has played in Major League Baseball (MLB) for the Miami Marlins, Philadelphia Phillies, and Los Angeles Angels and for the Hanshin Tigers of Nippon Professional Baseball (NPB).

Early life[edit]

Bour was born in Washington, D.C. to Jim and Tracey Bour. His father was employed by the Secret Service and was mainly assigned to presidential detail. He also has two siblings, Jason and Jenna Bour.

While living in Chantilly, Virginia, Bour attended Westfield High School. He helped lead the team to a division title. During high school, Bour played pitcher and first base. In high school, he earned first-team All-Met honors. He earned this title in 2006 after being named Honorable Mention All-Met selection his junior year in 2005. During the same year, Bour was named first team All-Met his high school won their division title. In his senior year, Bour batted .523 with 23 runs batted in (RBIs).^[1]

College career[edit]

Bour attended George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. Bour's father, mother, and older brother also attended the university. Bour's father played volleyball, his mother played softball and volleyball, and his brother, Jason, played baseball. His older brother Jason has the 12th-highest batting average in the school's history and was drafted in the 23rd round by the Cincinnati Reds in 2007.^{[citation needed]}

While attending George Mason University Justin Bour also created his own legacy. He had 1,273 putouts which placed him first in the category, tied for second in career home runs with 46, third in RBIs with 187, fourth in total bases with 404, fifth in fielding percentage with .986, sixth in slugging percentage with .621, and 11th in batting average .347.^[2] During his three years at George Mason University, Bour averaged 15 home runs and 62 runs batted with an OPS better than .901. He set a school record on March 6, 2007, when he hit two grand slams and had 9 RBIs in a 28-1 victory of Coppin State.^[3] In 2008, he played collegiate summer baseball with the Bourne Braves of the Cape Cod Baseball League.^[4]

These record numbers led to Bour being drafted in the 2009 Major League Amateur Draft by the Chicago Cubs in the 25th round, even though he was thought to be a mid-round selection. Since 1978, 52 players have been signed or drafted in the baseball program at George Mason. Bour still practices there in the off season.^[2]

Professional career[edit]

Chicago Cubs[edit]

Bour made his way through the Cubs minor league organization, peaking in 2012 with the Double-A Tennessee Smokies. Bour batted .283/.360/.455 and drove in 110 runs. He was named to the Southern League Postseason All-Star team. In the second half of the following season Bour hit 16 home runs with the Smokies but was blocked on the roster for first base by Anthony Rizzo. Bour was drafted by the Marlins in the Rule 5 draft in December 2013.^[3]

Miami Marlins[edit]

Bour was first called up to the majors with the Marlins on June 1, 2014. Bour spent a majority of the 2015 season with the Marlins after proving himself with the Marlins in 2014. Bour did extremely well with the Marlins in 2015. On May 17, 2015 Bour made headlines for breaking up Shelby Miller’s no hit bid at Marlins Park with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning. He also homered in four straight games June 30 – July 3, 2015. He became the eighth Marlin in franchise history to accomplish this. In October Bour was named the National League Rookie of the Month for September. After the All-Star break Bour hit 13 home runs and drove in 46 runs. This production helped offset the power hitting that the Marlins lost after a hamate injury sustained by Giancarlo Stanton in June. Bour led the Marlins in RBIs that season with 73 and had 23 homers which placed him second behind Stanton for the season. Bour batted .262/.321/.479 for the season.^[5]

Bour became a regular in the Marlins lineup in 2016 after finishing 5th in the National League Rookie of the Year voting the season prior after being called up. Bour was able to join the team full-time after the Marlins traded away first baseman Mike Morse who was not able to produce when signed to the full-time first base position. Bour started off strong in the 2016 season by hitting 15 home runs and 46 RBIs and batting .268 by the end of June. In June alone Bour hit 6 home runs and 20 RBIs with a batting line of .317/.411/.651. This hot streak was snapped when Bour became injured July 2 by rolling his ankle against the Atlanta Braves, he was placed on the disabled list July 6. While recovering Bour played a few games with the Triple-A New Orleans team before rejoining the Marlins. The Triple-A New Orleans stint did not go as planned for Bour as he was shut down by the Marlins from continuing with the minors. Bour did return to the Marlins though and was allowed to participate in infield and batting practice with the team at the beginning of August. Since the 15 day DL leave turned into a 60-day DL for Bour he did no return to the team until September 6. He did remain uninjured until the end of the season but did not hit any more home runs.^[6][7][8]

Bour had a successful season in 2017, even having a couple firsts for his Major League career. One of the firsts for Bour was stealing a base against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Bour stole second base and had the pitcher, Zack Greinke, and catcher, Jeff Mathis, sign the base for him. ^[9] Bour also was invited to participate in the 2017 Home Run Derby. Bour used what he called doughnut power during his home run derby competition and was even given doughnuts by his teammate Stanton during the competition. Bour hit 22 home runs in the first round, setting a record for the fourth most home runs in that round but was knocked out of the competition by Aaron Judge who hit 23 home runs.^[10] Bour finished the season with 25 home runs and 83 RBIs. ^[11]

During the off season before 2018 Bour was involved in an arbitration case against the Marlins. Bour won his case and his salary for 2018 was set at $3.4 million.^[12]

In 2018 with the Marlins, Bour batted .227/.347/.412 with 19 home runs and 54 RBIs in 374 at bats.^[13]

Philadelphia Phillies[edit]

On August 10, 2018, the Philadelphia Phillies acquired Bour and cash considerations from the Miami Marlins for minor league LHP McKenzie Mills.^[14] As a bench player for Philadelphia, Bour batted .224/.296/.347 with one home run and five RBIs in 54 plate appearances.^[13] After the 2018 season, the Phillies put Bour through waivers, removing him from their 40-man roster.^[15] The Phillies did not tender Bour a contract offer, making him a free agent.^[16]

Los Angeles Angels[edit]

On December 15, 2018, the Los Angeles Angels signed Bour to a one-year, $2.5 million contract.^[17] Bour elected free agency following the 2019 season.^[18]

Hanshin Tigers[edit]

On December 14, 2019, Bour signed with the Hanshin Tigers of the Nippon Professional Baseball(NPB).^[19]

On November 20, 2020, he became a free agent.^[20]

Tron Trx Twitter

San Francisco Giants[edit]

On March 2, 2021, Bour signed a minor league contract with the San Francisco Giants organization.^[21]

References[edit]

1. ^Janes, Chelsea (May 5, 2015). 'Former All-Met and George Mason Patriot Justin Bour homers against hometown team'. The Washington Post. ISSN0190-8286. Retrieved March 6, 2016.
2. ^ ^ab'Former Patriot collects two hits in his Major League debut'. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
3. ^ ^abTimes, Gershon Rabinowitz Special to the. 'Centreville's Justin Bour is now earning his way with the Miami Marlins'. Fairfax County Times. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
4. ^'Major League Baseball Players From the Cape Cod League'(PDF). capecodbaseball.org. Retrieved January 9, 2020.
5. ^'Justin Bour named NL Rookie of the Month'. MLB.com. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
6. ^'Miami Marlins' Justin Bour poised for a big 2016'. Call to the Pen. March 5, 2016. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
7. ^'2016 Miami Marlins Review: Justin Bour'. Fish Stripes. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
8. ^'Justin Bour not ready to rejoin Marlins'. MLB.com. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
9. ^Healey, Tim. 'Marlins' Justin Bour putting up All-Star-caliber numbers in crowded field of NL first basemen'. Sun-Sentinel.com. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
10. ^'Justin Bour goes yard after his doughnut break'. ESPN.com. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
11. ^'Justin Bour Stats | Baseball-Reference.com'. Baseball-Reference.com. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
12. ^'Arbitration panel rules in favor of Justin Bour, sets $3.4 million salary for 2018 season'. Fish Stripes. Retrieved April 29, 2018.
13. ^ ^abJustin Bour Stats | Baseball-Reference.com
14. ^'Marlins trade Justin Bour to Phillies for McKenzie Mills'. Miami Herald. Retrieved December 16, 2018.
15. ^Seidman, Corey (November 15, 2018). 'Why Phillies placed Justin Bour on waivers | NBC Sports Philadelphia'. Nbcsports.com. Retrieved December 16, 2018.
16. ^Zolecki, Todd (May 24, 2018). 'Phillies non-tender Justin Bour, Luis Avilan'. MLB.com. Retrieved December 16, 2018.
17. ^'Angels, slugger Bour agree to 1-year deal'. MLB.com. Retrieved December 15, 2018.
18. ^Rhett Bolinger (October 28, 2019). 'Bour 1 of 5 players cut from Angels' roster'. MLB.com. Retrieved October 28, 2019.
19. ^'外国人選手との契約締結について'. 阪神タイガース 公式サイト (in Japanese). December 14, 2019. Retrieved December 23, 2019.
20. ^'2020年度 自由契約選手'. NPB.jp 日本野球機構 (in Japanese). Retrieved January 8, 2021.
21. ^https://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2021/03/giants-sign-justin-bour.html

External links[edit]

• Career statistics and player information from MLB, or ESPN, or Baseball-Reference, or Fangraphs, or Baseball-Reference (Minors), or Retrosheet
• Justin Bour on Twitter

Justin Sun Twitter Live Stream